Saturday, December 21, 2013

A First-time Mother on her FIRST year

Several people have recently reminded me: You haven't posted anything in SO long. In order to maintain your blog, you need to keep up with it and have regular posts.

They are so right.

But here's the thing, I just use the blog as my excuse to vent or celebrate. If people come by to read things and enjoy my writings, I'm actually SUPER blessed. I never intended it to go viral or get a lot of readership. Although, having people comment and to converse with on topics of my choice does sound quite interesting and fun. Maybe....someday....

My last post was early December 2012 and Arya Jean Denton was born on 12/21/12 @1:21

That's our little Arya at 3 weeks old.

And now, she's ONE today! 

Everyone told me that being a mom would change things and I expected that with obvious major things. But there are subtle things that I hadn't realized until they hit me, one by one. EVERY mom knows this, I'm sure, but I'll share the things that I went through:

  • Your belly doesn't retract in the timely manner you thought it would. I worked on rebuilding my core (I had a c-section) for 6 months and my belly was still bloated looking. The worst part: I have Asian friends that had kids and a month or two later look like nothing happened to them, and they didn't do anything. I'm not that kind of Asian I guess. ALSO, whom are you doing a favor when you post FLAT belly pics of yourself three weeks post-partum?? Good for you, but it makes other women feel like that time frame is normal
  • You barely have time to yourself especially if you work full-time. In other words, in the morning you're on baby duty and when you get back from work you're on baby duty. So if you're on baby duty, when do you work off the 50-lbs you gained? It's a miracle if it happens. 
  • Your single friends suddenly feel uncomfortable around you. I don't sit there and talk incessantly about my daughter, if at all, with my friends, colleagues, or clients, UNLESS someone asks. A lot of my single friends suddenly feel as if they have to ask me about Arya, but they don't. I am still perfectly capable of listening to their relationship drama, work problems, world issues, and celebrity gossip. I found that either they think I'm at a different stage in my life and maybe trying not to "burden" or "bore" me OR since I'm not going out to bars and clubs with them these days, I'm just out of the loop?
  • Your mom friends suddenly have so much more to say to you. It's funny how much my friends that have been moms for a while were waiting to share their experiences or give their advice to me. They ask so many questions so that they can say, "Oh yea, I remember when so-and-so did that! I miss that stage." I love it! I just sit back and listen because it's SO MUCH more informative and personal than when I GOOGLE everything.
  • Not going out as often as you used to ISN'T necessarily a bad thing. You'd almost rather stay home and watch your baby fall asleep. I work so hard every day that I don't mind just winding down and falling asleep next to my daughter. I am such a social being that I know some day soon I'll get back into "fighting" shape and be out and about painting the town red, but for now I'm seriously enjoying this quiet time. There is a time for everything. 
  • Your guilty conscience creeps up and nags far more than you thought it would. I know that there are so many moms out there that want to show off that they maintain the best household and family--making their houses Jonathan Adler approved and meals Giada de Lorentiis-fied and pinning their DIYs on Pinterest that put even Martha Stewart to shame (i endorse none of these characters; they are so the antithesis of my style)--perhaps to somehow encourage other mothers out there to follow suit, but it instead makes the rest of us feel like we're inadequate. HOWEVER, the largest fault lies on ourselves. None of us mothers need to blame other "perfect" moms out there. Good for them! I applaud them 'cuz it ain't easy! We just need to stop putting that kind of pressure on ourselves and simply enjoy what you're doing to the best of your ability. I all too often have the dirtiest house, hampers overflowing with laundry, un-ironed clothes, and takeout. I used to feel guilty until I realized I'm doing the best I can to be a good person and mom, and those things that don't get done on my list don't define me. UNLESS YOU LET THEM. 
Today, I am also 6 months pregnant with my second child. A boy! We are so excited to be blessed with one of each. Having "Irish twins" was not in my life's repertoire but now at 36 I am happy it "accidentally" happened this way. It may be hard for a bit, but they will be besties and in school together most of the time. Everyone tells me some version of "1+1 is MORE than 2" but I'm ok with it (check back in a year on this very blog and perhaps I'll have another opinion. LOL!) because I am not really focused on being "perfect" but rather being more of another "P" word: PRESENT. 

I am present in that I may be flawed, but I am doing my best.
I am present in that I may miss my former yoga practice, but I love my current practice.
I am present in that I have to learn love my body's misshapen form as it is a vessel for my baby boy.
I am present in that although at times I miss dancing all night long with my girl friends, I will never be able to relive these milestones with my daughter. 
I am present in my work because I love to spread knowledge and awareness to other families and individuals as an educational consultant and yoga teacher because not many people get to "change lives" with their work, and because I'm away at work for a big chunk of the day, I am an even more present mom to Arya and wife to my husband when I'm home.
I am present in sharing my life with you, reader, whomever you may be. 

No comments:

Post a Comment